Greg Roakes Guide to Hangovers

As I'm sat in my "mock" lazy boy chair from debenhams in my check pajama bottoms with a cup of tea and a slice of dominoes meteor in one hand while laughing at Harold and kumar when only 14 hours ago i was consuming excessive amounts of alcohol to the toll of at least 18+ units of alchol (over half a standard bottle of jack Daniels if your wondering how much 18 units is)

you may ask yourself how i managed to successfully beat the curse of the hangover when most of the people who consumed the same amount as me are currently incapacitated

there are 3 factors into beating a hangover these are as follows

1. preparation

2.hindsight

3.common sense

4.the ability to be in the right mindset ( possibly the most important imo were talk about this later)

OK so lets begin with numro uno! preparation. no not the type your mum does before a trip to the supermarket were talking just thinking logically here if your going to go out and knock back spirits and cider you might want a little something inside that stomach to soak up the alcohol and slowly release it into the blood system this will not only stop you from just being sick in front of that girl you have been trying to impress all night with your lame attempt at being social it will also put you thought all those beautiful stages of drunk so you can enjoy the spectrum of the alcoholic rainbow! so go have a glass of milk and some meat and you shall win make sure you have this a bit before you start drinking don't just kneck a glass of milk then do a shot of vodka big mistake give it some time to go down before you hit the sauce ok so that about covers the basics of preparation next up is

Hindsight!

if you don't know what this means google it i can't be bothered to right now to put it simply realise that actions have consequences such as drinking that pitcher of mindori and rum with floating fag ashes DO NOT ATTEMPT UNLESS YOU ARE SURE YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO REPEL THE EVIL WITH YOUR OX STOMACH so think about whats going down the throat pace yourself laugh cry run dance all that

next up COMMON SENSE

fuck it your drunk who cares just don't

///start any fires

///insult any stereotypes that are volatile

///piss off the cab driver

///eat kebab someone dropped

///or decide to call a ex after 10 pints

ok got that written down sorted fuck the rest run home sleep on a bench

and last but not fucking least MINDSET MINDSET MINDSET

this is a hard one to explain to people but there have been times i have been so determined to not be ill due to excess of drugs i have just forced my body to heal by sitting there playing cod downing pints of water yes it sucks yes you want to go back to the bed and moan to people but trust me cod helps because its a distraction to sitting there feeling all the bad pains aches and horrible tummy contractions things that help is eat nothing till at least 12 then eat something greasy and spicy Bombay bad boy pot noodle or bacon sandwich is win drink drink one energy drink during your worst period rest of the time drink ice cold water or tea with little milk or sugar also swallow a aspirin before bed there is a brand (i forget the name) that's aspirin mixed with caffeine its fucking win then by 12 hopefully if you followed these tips you should be kk spend the rest of the day drinking juice and have a walk somewhere fresh air helps so much

but!

sometimes you cant win we all know this in fact more like 1 out of every 3 is a bound to fail scenario if you know your body well enough fucking get that toothbrush down your throat and accept failure and just piss shit and vomit all the demons out then just down like 2 litres of water and you should actually be ok by mid afternoon (Y)

with that being said this was all a bunch of shit ignore it goodnight cunts x